Let’s Talk…Unlocking Your Potential, Activating Your Purpose, & Changing Your Life
10 Tuesday Jan 2023
10 Tuesday Jan 2023
09 Monday Jan 2023
Tags
achieve, being myself, coaching, critical thinking, emotions, hope, khalif ibere, mental health, motivation, performance enhancement, personal development, personal power, self help, Self-awareness, success
Are you satisfied with the way things are going in your life? Continuing to achieve the life goals you’ve set is hopefully bringing you considerable happiness and contentment. But, perhaps you’ve taken a different path and you think it would be helpful to add some goals. Sometimes, life requires that we alter the direction we’re headed.
Maybe your focus has changed due to the loss of a partner or job, demanding that you relook at the goals you established long ago. Whatever the case, pondering whether or not to change your life’s dreams may be in order.
Consider these ideas:
the first idea to start changing or reviewing the need for a change is to Review your current life list. Pull out the list of life goals you compiled years ago. Or scan your mind if you only take mental notes. Are they still what you want? Or maybe you have outgrown or have become more aware of what you want in and for your life. Maybe you’re ready to let a few of them go to make room for some new ones that are more fitting. Give yourself permission to adjust your list as needed. Don’t take tomorrow for granted, get your n pace for the life you actually want.
* For example, maybe you thought you’d become the president or store manger of a company someday, but you’ve discovered that you’re more of a salesman or entrepreneur. You may actually love making new acquaintances and giving people what they need or want and you fill empowered watching your sales stats rise. Know that It’s okay to remove the goal of becoming president or manager. However, the fear of WHAT IF…sometimes holds people back, they’ll stick with the life they don’t want but KNOW that life…I prefer getting familiar with the potential for better even if it becomes the new unwanted life however… the fact that I am building an action plan to be me, I like the odds of success for the rest of my life, now…
the second idea, is to ask yourself, “What do you want out of life?” Take a moment to push through the inner voice of doubt and let your free mind ponder the question. It’s a good idea to have your goals written down, bc your mind works to support your mental habits, so if you want to accomplish a goal that is only recorded in your mind then your self-sabotaging habits will cause you to modify those MIND only plans to fit procrastination or justifying putting off starting or finishing however when dates and activities are written or digitally recorded YOU MUST actively disregard and acknowledge disregarding it…no one wants to be a hypocrite to themselves but remember changing FACTS that are only in your mind, you can play tricks on yourself.
* Even if you’re unsure of what your overall goals ought to be, jot down experiences you want to have and place them in your file. We offer expert support with this on our Success Support Group site and Getting Back On Track Mind Map. Now, the
third idea to make a change in your goals is to Verbalize any changes to goals you’re considering. Inform your partner of the type of life you want since your lives and goals are intertwined. Altering your life goals will involve your joint agreement and efforts. It his may include conversations with business partners as well. You don’t have to continue living the life you don’t want because you ONLY now are ready to make a change. Tomorrow is not guaranteed, love your truth NOW.
* Talking about what you want helps you conceptualize your goals and make them real. Your close friends and family will also want to support you in your quest to accomplish your master life plan or you will recognize who only enjoyed the person that YOU don’t want to be…think about that. Everyone that says they care about you, don’t necessarily want the DOInG better than them YOU. Now,
the fourth idea to change your goals and implement them is to Infuse elements of your goals into your day. When you include daily efforts to create the life of your dreams, your goals won’t just be some lofty ideas you rarely think about. Be strongly connected to the objectives that will lead you to your goal.
* For example, if one of your life goals is to take a trip to Africa and see where your family originated, start a computer file where you can copy and paste links to websites and information about the places you want to visit and what it would mean to you to do this so that you are engaging your whole being. Also, have a paper file that you may printout some key items that activate your motivation and will-to-achieve motivation to act to make it happen.
* Make sure you give yourself personal reasons to use your personal initiative and mental power to make your life BE what you want it to FEEL like. Now,
The fifth idea to making the new goals stick or determine if it is what you want to stick is to Try setting and achieving mini-goals. If you’re curious about a particular goal, but are unsure as to whether you want to change your life’s direction, establish a mini-goal to start exploring this area. You’ll be able to feel things out and figure out whether the new goal enhances your interests.
* Do you want to go further with this new venture? Or have you learned enough to conclude you’ve been on the right track with prior goals you set? Either way, you can put the concept of mini-goals to work for you.
* Establishing small targets that will lead you to accomplish your main goals is smart and effective.
Life happens. Things change. You may see the need to alter the life plan you had previously set for yourself. Put these strategies to work for you when it’s time to remove an old goal or add a new one.
Remember you are perfectly designed to get the results that you get.. is it time to change your mindset to change your design to get the outcomes you want in life? As always…be well, it is truly your choice
05 Thursday Jan 2023
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being myself, coaching, critical thinking, emotions, khalif ibere, mental health, performance coaching, performance enhancement, personal awareness, personal development, personal power, self help
Three Signs That You Are Your Worst Enemy
Why is it you’re not getting ahead? Are you having difficulty in finding opportunities, or could it be that you’re not taking the opportunities when they come to you or you do not know what opportunity actually looks like?
Crazy as it sounds, the most common reason people don’t succeed is that they’re engaging in self-defeating behaviors. If you’re not performing at the level you think you ought to be; you might want to consider whether or not you’ve become your own worst enemy. Your success is just on the other side of your personal obstacles but, but you must willingly and strategically face those obstacles to thrive.
You know what isn’t working because it is YOUR life and you are with you all day, everyday yet the question I ask my clients is…you know what isn’t working yet have you changed what you are doing? ….
So, how can YOU tell that you are your worst enemy? Look for these three signs, there are more but this is to get you started. Our program helps you to identify your personal blocks and address them. Here, I am NOT just showing you how you work against yourself, I am helping you identify that you are ready for a strategic change plan to change your life, now the two signs that you are CURRENTLY your own worst enemy:
1. You Use the Emergency Exit
What does this mean. Do you tend to come close to completion of a project only to back out at the last minute? When you feel the need to bail, it’s typically because you’re afraid to take the last step. Either you’re too worried that it won’t work out, or worse, you’re worried that it will. Or, you give more importance to what others may say or what they may think about you IF it does not work out or if you have correct something. It’s not uncommon to back away from things that frighten us, EVEN if we ourselves is what is causing the fright. This is why some may tank a relationship the moment it triggers whatever your personal fear may be such as fear of rejection and feeling that at some point this other person will leave you so you actually destroy a relationship that may have been very good for you. It’s also why some sabotage themselves at work when they hear they’re being considered for promotion. They may fear being judged or found incompetent because of the low value or low self-worth they may hold. All of this can be improved, including your self-worth by learning and implementing the GETTING BACK ON TRACK SECRETS MIND MAP.
2. You’re Procrastinating even though you know it is not good for you
Think about it, when you put things off, it typically means you are feeling unsure about something. It may be that you are unsure about letting yourself get judged because once you complete something it is open to commentary and opinions of others. One fact to mention here is that procrastination is a self-handicapping behavior. This is a sing of being your own worst enemy and is a self-handicapping behavior because procrastination negatively impacts work productivity and personal performance outcomes in career development and promotion and relationship success. Now, its natural to put some things off that that conflict with what you want to do in the moment however in truth you give power to procrastination when you do not follow through on tasks that you know will reduce your experience of success in your life at work, your business, in your relationship and in your personal development. If you feel like your skills are not up to the task, or you’re not confident regarding the next step, it’s natural to put things off, hoping that somehow by magic it will be better later. Sometimes, you just need to ask for help.
3. You’re Burying Yourself in Something Else Entirely other than where your focus needs to be.
Think about it. Are you easily distracted, emotionally? If you’re worried about the outcome of one project, it’s not uncommon to throw yourself into another. This helps you keep your mind off of what worries you. It also keeps you from getting done what you need to.
Don’t worry about currently being your own worst enemy unless you plan to continue the trend. Check out our GETTING BACK ON TRACK SECRETS MIND MAP.
Remember you are perfectly designed to get the results that you get.. is it time to change your mindset to change your design to get the outcomes you want in life?
As always…be well, it is truly your choice
04 Wednesday Jan 2023
Tags
being myself, critical thinking, emotions, hope, khalif ibere, mental health, performance enhancement, personal awareness, personal power, self help, self-worth
Does life seem to be a struggle for you? Do you feel overwhelmed and frustrated much of the time? Do you wish you could experience something better? Fortunately, you can enjoy the exciting life you deserve once you do the work to get back on track for well-being success, peace of mind, or thriving.
Success is available to you despite challenging circumstances and personal obstacles. It’s important to remember, also, that your self-worth is not defined by your circumstances rather defined by you, your identified values, your purpose that we help you to identify clearly and build a plan of action to experience so that you can live your purpose, so yes, you define your self-worth.
What holds you back? What personal marketing strategy are you using to stop your flow of good, or have you settled on getting whatever life throws your way instead of using your inherited gift of intellect, passion, and drive to make success happen, TO rule your life, KING, to rule your life GODDESS. Take some time today to question the beliefs and false ideas you hold about yourself that limit your potential and your actions for thriving. If you look at a challenging circumstance as a wall that’s impossible to climb, you need a fresh perspective. WITHIN YOU is everything you need to thrive and excel. The more you question the validity of your limiting beliefs, the more success you’ll experience in your life. Our Getting Back on track Secrets Mind Map helps you to personalize your journey in success and create an effective personal guidance system to let your self-worth shine from you from the inside out.
Think of a circumstance in your life that you believe is preventing you from something you want. Write it down, then get ready to challenge that limiting belief. If you do, you’ll begin to move toward the success you deserve.
Until you are ready for the expert supported do-it-yourself services or the individual or small group confidential services and tools of the Sacred Mindset System and our Impactful Education tools Use these strategies to maintain a positive self-worth, regardless of your circumstances:
1. Find the cause. What is the cause of the circumstance in your life? Sometimes, limiting beliefs can serve as warning signs that help you avoid danger. What can you learn from this so you avoid triggering a similar situation in the future?
* If the cause of your situation is unclear, ask friends and family for their input. Others see your life from a different perspective, and their input can be valuable in determining the root of your difficulty.
2. Get past the blame game. You can often be your own worst critic. Fortunately, negative self-talk often has very little basis in reality. Choose to replace the doubts of your inner critic with more productive thinking.
* Once a negative thought has taught you its intended lesson, it has served its purpose. If you choose to hold onto those negative thoughts, they will begin to form a negative self-image in your mind. This unbalanced view of your talents and strengths holds you back.
* Instead of dwelling on negative thoughts about your circumstances, learn the lesson and act on the solution TO move on. Find out what you can do differently to avoid a repeat of your present situation. Then, when negative thoughts enter your mind, choose to replace your self-talk with productive thoughts instead. Ask about my book Finding Your Inner Voice Of Self-empowerment: Dare to be who and what you are… this book helps you to learn more about implementing the power of self-talk to activate self-rule of your emotions and relationships in your life.
3. Cut yourself some slack. Recognize that you’re human. Everyone makes mistakes, but your attitude determines your approach to leaning and your approach to thriving in life. You are valuable regardless of your present predicament. You are worthwhile even when you slip up or falter. Your circumstances simply provide feedback and an opportunity to learn and grow.
4. Make the most of it. When you recognize that you’re valuable despite your circumstances, you’ll begin to make the most of every opportunity. Stumbling blocks you face can become stepping stones to the success you deserve, simply by changing what you focus on.
* Instead of feeling helpless, ask yourself: “What’s great about this?” Every situation provides something of value if you look for it.
5. Ask for help. Loved ones and friends often see strengths in you that go without notice. Ask them what they believe your strengths are. This is where your self-worth is found. Everyone has something of value to contribute.
* Once you recognize your unique talents, gifts, and abilities, you’ll see life in a whole new way. You’ll seek opportunities to use your talents to bless others. You’ll gain confidence that comes from conquering challenges that once made you cringe.
* Instead of allowing your circumstances to dictate who you are, you’ll make the rules!
6. Live one day at a time. Despite your best efforts, some days simply provide one frustration after another. When this happens, you have a choice. You can let your circumstances defeat you, or you can choose a more positive perspective.
Resolve today to find your strengths, learn from your difficult circumstances, and experience the joy you were created to experience. Instead of tying your self-worth to your circumstances, choose to see things as they really are. You were created with unique talents and gifts. When you find those gifts within yourself and put them to use, you’ll know how valuable you truly are.
If you want expert guided support make this a reality in your life just click the link below to get started for less than the cost of a veinte specialty coffee at Starbucks.
Remember you are perfectly designed to get the results that you get.. is it time to change your mindset to change your design to get the outcomes you want in life?
As always…be well, it is truly your choice
04 Wednesday Jan 2023
Posted Uncategorized
inTags
coaching, confidence, emotions, khalif ibere, mental health, performance enhancement, personal awareness, personal development, personal power, self-doubt
More information on how to implement this into your life click on the link.
02 Thursday Sep 2021
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being myself, coaching, emotions, performance enhancement, personal awareness, personal development, personal power
Dear Traveler in Self-Transformation,
I know…. You want to change your life! You want to do better! You want to have success! You want to be fulfilled! You just want to live in peace! Whatever your want is…there is some information about it. Social media has a million affirmations for it. However, there are just as many emotionally and financially struggling people now as there were before having so much info ‘at your finger tips’. It has been said that we are in an Information Age. Yes, as this is true what is also true is that we are in a passive age. Many are watching or reading the success story’s that are not their own. Many, in an Information Age, are without education (not specifically referencing school) or a methodology of putting learning into practice. So, with such an abundance of information, why is there so much pain, discomfort, drug use, crime etc?
The human condition is not ruled by information. Think about that. The human condition is not ruled by information thus no matter how much information you have access to, your condition will not change. Change requires more engagement on your part. Information does not engage you, it just informs you. It may raise your awareness however raised awareness does not directly create change alone or get you to act. Information may motivate you yet once again motivation does not directly lead to action either. So, now what? Information serves its function yet you don’t need more information. What do you need, really?
Regardless of the situation you are in, if you feel that you are in a state of lack such as need more money, more love, more trust, better relationships, or better coping skills then information alone is useless! Let me pause there for a moment. Think about the statement that is going to follow, ‘your moment-to-moment ACTIONS are the answer to a question about your life!’Think about that!
The actions and activities that you actually do or done or did is your answer to some million year old human question. The question is,’what am I living for?’ There are many variations to this question, however it comes back to the fact that your actions produce compensation. Your actions lead to seeking food, getting food, being satiated – or not – or your actions lead to some other rewards. Everything that you receive in your life is a reward, you may not like this thought. Now, if your actions, behavior, and way of being is designed to get a certain result and you get that result then that result is a reward.
To be paid for the service that you provide – in most cases – is considered a reward. If your life is inconsistently providing the rewards that you want such as healthy intimate relationships, healthy stress over unhealthy stress, financial security, healthy emotion management, sense of belonging or a host of other personally relevant positive experiences then you need HOPE knowledge ( check back for HOPE Knowledge is Power post) not just more information or knowledge. The I C HOPE Season of Self-Transformation is here to align your thoughts for healthy stability, security, success, and fulfillment with the wealth that already resides within you. You are directly linked to the source of existence and all existence. You have access to everything that you need, you may just need support organizing and clearing out old emotional baggage. Everything in the universe is in some state of performance not information seeking. Your power is in your ability to perform a certain way to fulfill ‘something’.
You have all that you need, now let’s align your actions and raise your will-to-achieve motivation to act with human optimal performance for empowerment knowledge learning so that your performance answers the question, ‘what am I living for?’ in a powerful way with an exclamation, such as to be my healing authentic identity in the face of challenges WHILE evolving my personal system of, for, and by sustainable success and fulfillment principles on my journey through fulfilling my purpose! How can I C HOPE serve you to make this a reality in your life?
Dare to be your healing authentic identity, now! And as all-ways… be well, it is truly your choice!
In Good Mental Health and Supreme Self Identity Development,
31 Tuesday Aug 2021
Posted Uncategorized
inDear Traveler in Self-Transformation,
It is the I C HOPE Season of Self-transformation; are you ready for your self-transformation? Many are in some form of physical and mental captivity. It’s time to take responsibility for where you are in life from your own judgement and thinking so that you can properly take responsibility for the success plan of action that is yours to build right now! Dare to be your healing authentic self and live as it!
Humans are captive to many things. We are captive to our bodies, hunger, thirst, and breathing …if we want to live. However, if you want to thrive then what you are captive to and the way that you nurture your existence inside captivity matters. Everyone is in captivity and we can use more flowery words to say the same thing. Yet, you cannot break free from your body, your cells, your mind. Therefore, success must entailed using the rules of success for the captivity in which you are in.So, is your current state of captivity to sustainable success, fulfillment, or something else? What is your personal physical and mental captivity to? Is it a benefit, a cover (self-oppression and self-defeating behavior), or a form of slow suicide? Unhealthy behavior – using the rules of existence supporting unwanted emotional outcomes – inside your captivity to emotions lead to poor decision making, procrastination, poor relationships and a host of other psychologically relevant issues.
Traveler in self-transformation, stop chasing a career that doesn’t resonate with your true purpose! I understand that you may not know how to liberate yourself from it now! Stuck in the flow of someone else’s plan for your time, energy, existence. I C HOPE season of self-transformation is providing you with evidenced-based support for sustainable success and fulfillment. Dare to be your healing authentic self, now!
Stop chasing spiritual and mental goals that don’t resonate with who and what you are truly! Maybe you do not know how to liberate yourself from what’s been marketed to you! Stuck in the flow of what you were taught to accept as right but never resonated with your inner voice! Traveler in self-transformation, I know you want to change yet the habits been set in place in your subconscious mind since you can remember and you do not know how or what to do to get on track with your truth, your healing authentic self!
The I C HOPE season of self-transformation is here. Let us help! Let us help to remove the blocks to your physical well-being success, spiritual well-being success, economic well-being success, and the blocks to your mindset well-being success guiding all the results in your life! Its Your Journey. Our Support. Your Success!
It is you that has possession – through your power of choice – of your personal book of destiny. You have the power to determine what you are destined for (supreme self identity expression, healthy stability, security, and joy), destined to (be your supreme self Identity expression) and destined by (use of supreme self identity expression culture). Its your time. As all-ways, be well… it is truly your choice!
In Good Mental Health and Supreme Self Identity Development,
07 Friday Jun 2019
Tags
coaching, life difficulty, performance coaching, performance enhancement, self help, success, worthy 4 success
Many people are feeling and experiencing a state of “stuckness” or being stuck. You have the power to change and grow from this state of “stuckness”. The Worthy 4 Success Success Support Groups are key to this change. Here is an excerpt from the book “Success through Strategically Facing Challenges”. Performance enhancement and human (your) optimal performance empowerment (HOPE) coaching is here.
“Actively Accept that it’s Your Life, Your Experience
Know that acceptance of the things that you cannot change is vastly different from accepting what others give you to follow and accept. Learn to accept what makes sense and supports your healthy stability, security, and joy (please read Joy: How Do I️ Find It? by Worthy 4 Success Mindscape Architect Publishers). Your accepted self may include your attempt to be accepted by others or thinking that if you behave as your authentic self then others may not accept you. The previous statement can be true only if you have not accepted who you are or your authentic self. This would lead a thinking person to reason that if you don’t accept yourself then it will be difficult for others to accept you as well. You are with yourself all the time, identify your beauty and express it unto the world.
Many have not invested into uncovering their inherited beauty. Your lack of investment into uncovering your inherited beauty, that is from the source of existence, is not solely on you. Yes, you failed to pay attention to the only “item” (your body, being) on this planet that you have the most capacity to control. However, those who came before you and were the adults over you, failed to create a learning system that taught you to pursue your authentic self. The primary culprit is the learning system’s lack of teaching children HOPE (human optimal performance empowerment) and the lack of stimulating HOPE development. MY HOPE to Achieve Success Support Group emphasizes that the problem is poor early HOPE learning. HOPE is here now. However, early poor HOPE development and your stuckness has been nurtured by the way that you have interacted with the world around you. Change is now! Change toward your healing authentic identity (HAI). Citizens in the American society receive various poor HOPE messages that work against developing their HAI. Do you have the knowledge and courage to be your healing authentic self?
The messages that radiate through multiple media, educational, and community organizations impact identity development. In the American society certain racial, socioeconomic, and cultural groups have been presented in a negative way both presently and historically. The importance of this fact is the impact that this may have on one’s identity formation and may work in opposition to HOPE. Persons who belong to one of these categories may adopt behaviors to compensate for the negative perceptions and develop unhealthy self-deceptive thoughts and actions. The compensating behavior may go to either extremes such as pro-group to the exclusion of others or anti-own group to the exclusion of those who are like you. Then there is the middle ground. However, all three of these are not HOPE. The point here, you must understand what thoughts or feelings drive your decisions so that you can appropriately create plans to fulfill your goals. Ignoring the way that you personally think about yourself and your life will negatively impact your decision-making and the outcomes that you experience. The healing next step includes personal awareness.” Visit worthy4success.com to purchase the book to support your own success.
03 Tuesday Feb 2015
Tags
performance enhancement, student achievement, student support, worthy 4 success, youth development, youth success
How is that reflective in the state of public education in Georgia and most other states? Ponder the following facts regarding education in the United States:
Where is the help?
Parents must understand that the education system alone is not prepared or designed to equip your child with moral decision making skills, critical thinking skills applicable to challenging social environments or strategies to navigate social troubles and make value-driven decisions. Many parents are seeking for their children to achieve academic success through proper studying and being urged to complete their homework. Strong academic performance is the result of value driven attention and self-determination motivation rather than from an abstract, fear based strategy such as pushing the fear of poverty. Academic and career success requires persistence and determination that value driven attention and behavior provides.
Children struggling academically or behaviorally are often being judged by their performance in relationships that they see as demotivating such as school and student-teacher interaction. The issues that the student instigates are well identified however the issues that affect the student are consistently overlooked. The student-teacher, student-student, student-society, and student-peer relationships are not considered as important as the student’s externalizing problem behavior. You must improve the relationships of all involved. This begins with the student developing a better relationship with him or herself and then with the surrounding world and things.
Often, adults attempt to use fear of poverty or threat of a bad future to coerce students into acting “right”. They are told about a reality that may not fit their personal reality. “You need to do well in school so that you may get a good job and get the things that you want”. Well…children are able to get bad grades and are unemployed, still eat, have shelter, and get gifts therefore the threat of poverty and a bad life may not appear as a real possibility. However, Worthy 4 Success provides your child with the training and learning to identify their place in the world and the essential role that education and relationships play in reaching personally rewarding goals. These goals start where the child is and not at an unreal future that they may not even understand yet when they enter middle school.
The African American community needs more entrepreneurs and professionals who offer unique and evidence-based strategies to support a bright future that begins with empowering youth now with an authentic identity, hope for career and community success, and skills for self-management and working cooperatively with others. The dropout rate has improved yet that does not mean that it is good. The dropout rate now is a little less terrible and the more businesses and non-profits that enter the arena, the better. Adults outside the school system who recognized the need and possess the skills, motivation, and business plan must play a larger role in supporting the youth to navigate the social issues that increase the probability for dropping out. “The children are the future”; well what are the prospects of that future if things stay the same?
Further Investigation:
https://www.dosomething.org/facts/11-facts-about-high-school-dropout-rates
http://nces.ed.gov/fastfacts/display.asp?id=372
Worthy 4 Success Newsletter
07 Friday Nov 2014
Tags
coaching, defense mechanisms, displacement, ego, emotions, happiness, performance enhancement, rationalize, relationship success, trauma
Emotional self-defense is a result of first getting an understanding of defense mechanisms and displacement. The second step may be pre-viewed under the blog titled Excerpt “Empowering Your Attitude for Happiness“.
When humans are faced with traumatic emotional experiences that set off warning signs to the part of your personality that serve to express reason and good sense (ego) that danger has approached, mental reactions to that emotional experience occur. These mental reactions that occur in response to some emotional trigger without your conscious effort are called defense mechanisms. Your level of development and maturity regarding your thoughts or thinking has an influence on how your defenses may be used when an emotional trigger is activated. For instance, if you are very rational and reason well than you may develop an emotional defense that uses a rational line of thinking as the basis of defending against an emotional trigger. However, the way that you defend your emotional self is to rationalize the issue by changing your thoughts to represent the emotional trigger in a false way to reduce your anxiety or bad feelings and reduce the power of the emotional trigger. Note that the defense response is designed to reduce the force and power of the emotional trigger and is NOT a solution to the issue presented. For example, you may want to sing in your church’s choir and after singing for the choir director you were not chosen for the choir. Your emotional defenses designed to protect your self-esteem and the part of your personality that serves to express reason and good sense will rationalize that you do not have time to attend choir practices anyway or it was God’s will for you not to be in the choir because you do not get along with a particular person in the choir. A healthy response to this situation may be: “I still enjoy singing and sending praise through my singing and because others may sing better than I sing does not lower my love to sing for the Lord”. This response is an example of you working to solve the problem and not building up negative emotional energy that may be directed at the people in the choir or the church even though that was not your intent. When you repress or suppress your true emotions you have not solved the problem by rationalizing them to avoid dealing with the thought that “you did not get chosen” or “you were not good enough” which does not mean that something is wrong with you or the people who did not choose you.
The defense response is activated to deal with the moment that the emotional trigger is happening and may protect your emotions for the moment. However, the way that you protect your emotions for that moment may not be healthy or supportive of maintaining, sustaining, or improving a relationship which requires good communication and understanding. Thus, defense mechanisms are of two types: primitive or immature and mature. The purpose of this writing is to help you identify how defense mechanisms influence your life and present you with right knowledge that will help you to use them for your benefit.
Traumatic experiences or painful emotional influence that sparks a change in your mental state are a function of your ego. The ego is the part of your personality that represents reasoning and good sense. The problem with the ego occurs when you reason and see good sense in a self-centered way without any regard for another person who you may claim as being a significant other or loved one. Can you see how this can cause problems in communication and thus cause problems in relationships? Ok, let us continue. Now, anxiety being a function of the ego (part of your personality that represents reasoning and good sense to you) relates to mechanisms of defense as an initiator of action. Yes, anxiety initiates the reaction of your defenses. Anxiety can be described as an uneasy feeling associated with an anticipation of some future danger or misfortune in your mind and is accompanied by a state of dissatisfaction or tension in your body. The experience of anxiety signals to your ego (part of your personality that represents reasoning and good sense to you) information that says something is about to happen of the nature of a misfortune or danger and then you mentally defend yourself. Now, what you need to understand is that this process is taking place very quickly and is mostly out of your awareness until you make a conscious effort to change or create a better response system. It happens below your awareness because you may have developed this process of defending your emotional self and reducing anxiety since you were in your youth. If you want to have better relationships, career development, parenting communication with your children, or mental health then doing the work to improve your defense reactions is essential.
The function of the defense mechanism is to keep the painful or traumatic emotional experiences out of the person’s awareness. However, all defense reactions are not the same and can generate problems as well and thus Worthy 4 Success is making this topic very clear to understand. Let me explain how the defense works to reduce your anticipation of some future danger or misfortune in your mind and is accompanied by a state of dissatisfaction or tension in your body (anxiety). The defense works to (1) distort reality, (2) exclude certain feelings from your awareness to avoid an anxious feeling from arising, and (3) provide a strategy to deal with the unacceptable impulses that you faced. Distorting reality to protect you is not a good way to address a threat and may have grave consequences. Let’s take denial or creating a positive illusion, which is a defense reaction to distort reality or avoid it. If you deny that you have a serious illness or create a positive illusion that says that you are not ill and you proceed to block out the fact that you are having the symptoms of the ailment then very grave consequences can result. Denying a problem does not prevent the results or prevent the circumstances of that problem even if you create a positive illusion about it. This unhealthy process occurs outside of conscious mental thinking and thoughts and your distortion of reality may allow you to deny your illness, problem, or ability. Building courage may take time however the consequences of facing reality, when compared to denial, is very small. Facing the situation allows a solution to be worked. Denial as strategy in communication will lead to the consequence of a failed relationship and unhappiness and constant searching for someone who you hope will put up with bad relationship circumstances. Learning to pay attention to yourself and recognize when you are negatively responding to a situation or emotional trigger. Then replace the denial with a strategy that helps to solve or resolve an issue rather than temporarily avoiding and having to deal with it again later anyway or losing out on someone who may have been very supportive; friend, spouse, family member. Worthy 4 Success has multiple materials available to support developing a culture or habit of success for better communication and relationship success. Stop storing tension, bad feelings, anxiety, and negative thoughts for some future explosion or argument. Success is a choice and to succeed requires right action. Choose a better relationship and better communication through your action and works.
Displacement is used when your mind redirects effects from something seen, heard, or experienced as being unacceptable and transferring the negative feelings to another person or thing that is considered by you to be safe or acceptable to receive the negative energy. The person or thing that receives your negative energy is different from the person or thing that you think caused the negative feeling in you. For example, your boss did not allow you to express yourself at work and when you arrived home from work you arrived with pent up negative energy from work. So, you may perceive that your spouse or your children are safe people to receive the negative energy that you stored inside of you when your boss kept you from sharing your thoughts. You did not explode at work because you need the job however you may feel comfortable or safe unleashing your anger toward your children and spouse. Displacement is a terrible habit to share with your family and friends and hurts good communication and relationship building. Acknowledge that you may have done this or do this and create a strategy to overcome it. Collaborate with your spouse and family so that effective communication is grown in the home. For instance, if your work is very emotionally taxing then establish a “safe space” dialogue when you arrive at home. You can call it whatever you want however it is best to label it so that it truly exist and you and your family or spouse can refer to it as needed. What this after-work dialogue entails is that you allow you family and/or spouse into your mental space and share the difficulties that may have occurred at work and release the negative energy in a healthy way and build a bond at the same time through positive communication. Now, many men have been taught to keep emotional stuff bottled inside and that being a man is just dealing with it yet this has not helped with good communication and relationship building with spouses, peers, or family. Help each other to help yourselves. If you invest in your spouse’s happiness then you will find happiness. When you invest in your own happiness you will not find it. One note, if you do not think that your spouse is worthy of you investing your energy in her/his happiness, then your relationship will not be healthy or fulfilling.